- It keeps me occupied throughout this very long, very slow and, so far, very boring summer.
- Its a way for me to let my feelings out. Which helps quite a bit.
A little explanation to the quote that I've used in the title. It's a quote by Kurt Cobain. A man, who in the past couple of months, has become an icon in my eyes. Been listening to a lot of Nirvana recently cos it seems to be the only music that suites my moods at the minute. This man truly has stood out as a figure in my life. He successfully gets his sufferings and torments across to us in his music. And, in my own personal opinion, he speaks for all those in my generation that suffer from unwanted feelings and emotions that can lead us, sadly, to self destruction, as was the case with Cobain himself who, as many people say about him, Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin and Jim Morrison, will forever remain 27. I like this quote because I personally feel that it describes me pretty well. I feel that anyone who doesn't know me, won't like who I truly am. And in doing so I create a persona for myself. To create this persona I take bits off characters I read about or see on the TV or people that I know in life. And then with these bits I create this false personality. One I hope people will like. With this creation I keep my real personality to myself as if it were a well guarded secret.
This past week I've been up and down like a feckin' roller coaster. At times I've felt great and I think that's due partly that I have kept this past week (which I will talk about a little later). But at times I've felt hopeless, upset, lonely. A whole load of crap really. And I can't explain why I've been feeling this way. It seems that at every moment I feel like I'm finally getting on with my life and stuff something crops up that can really bring me down. And it really kills me inside. I can't find a way to vent these feelings and so they stay trapped inside. And then eventually they just come out in a storm of emotions.
I had a psychiatric assessment on this Tuesday that's just been. Looks like I'm finally getting myself sorted out. Talked about my feelings. How I think of myself. What leads to my depressions. The counsellor offered suggestions as to how I can help deal with these feelings. So I may end up in group therapy and taking anti-depressants to get my life back on track. Who knows what'll happen though. We can never truly know our futures until they are staring right in the face.
After my assessment I embarked on an unexpected and unplanned road trip to York with my cousin, Jack, Chris and Eddy. Day was filled with laughs, screams and was a really nice change to being stuck inside the house all day long. York is a beautiful city and one I would happily visit again as I may not have seen everything it had to offer. Still there's plenty of Summer left and another road trip may be in the works - however this one may not be so unexpected. Wednesday saw me traveling to Hull for some good old fashioned Laser Quest. However, the main fuses had broken meaning that the whole building had no power and therefore there would be no Laser Quest. Instead we made another unexpected and unplanned trip to Hollywood Bowl. Again the trip was filled with laughs, screams and pain from a certain passenger in the very back of the car. These past two days have possibly been the happiest I've been in quite a while. Let's just hope this happiness can carry on throughout the summer.
Well now it's to my recommendations for this week. I'm going to do this segment in the later blog of the week cos I don't think I'll be able to think of more recommendations twice a week.
Now the film I'm gonna recommend this week is In Bruges. It has been out for quite a while but I still find the whole film fantastic. It's funny, thrilling, action-packed and all round a great movie. My personal highlight is Ralph Fiennes screaming "You're a fucking inanimate object!" at his on-screen wife after destroying a phone. I find that it's one of those films you can watch and watch and watch and it'll still seem funny. Would definitely recommend seeing this film.
As I said earlier I've been listening to a lot of Nirvana recently as it seems to fit my moods pretty well. One song that I have been listening to the most is You Know You're Right. It is Nirvana at their best and is the final song to be released as a single after Kurt Cobain's death in 1994. The song is a final testament to the genuine pain of a generation expressed by Cobain in his songs and lyrics. At one point Cobain actually screams before the chorus. It gives you the sense that he is pouring his heart out to you. That he wants you to understand the pain that he has been going through. This song definitely sums up Nirvana for me. This was a band that expressed the feelings and emotions of a whole generation. I wish that I could have had a chance to see them live but, tragically, Kurt Cobain killed himself in 1994 when I would have only been around 2 years old.
I'll leave you with the music video of You Know You're Right by Nirvana. Enjoy.
Well that's it for my blog this week. Should have a blog coming round on Tuesday and then a second one on Saturday.
So until next Tuesday, I hope you all have a great weekend. Stay safe. And I'll see you next time.
This is me, Edward Thompson, signing off.
Much love
x
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